Sad on Christmas Eve

Ok so despite the title of this post I have had a wonderful Christmas! It is the end of a fun filled festive day but as I have started this blog as a way to vent my feelings I know I will feel better for getting this off my chest. So here goes, the last few days have been an emotional time for me it almost seemed to come out of nowhere but the end result was me sobbing my heart out to Richard.  This time last year I was so excited we had decided to TTC and I couldn't wait to get pregnant thinking it would only take a few months. Everyone I know who have had children pretty much conceived right away so i just assumed it would be the same for me. 12 months on I now understand that it doesn't work out like that for some couples and have met and befriended so many wonderful women who sadly have had and still are struggling with TTC. This breaks my heart it will never make any sense to me why these amazing women are struggling to have a baby when I know that they will make such wonderful mothers.  This time last year I thought we would be celebrating our baby's first Christmas or at least be well on the way to having a baby! It doesn't help that everyone around me is pregnant don't get me wrong I am so happy for them but i can't help that i feel this stabbing pain in my chest everytime I look at them! I also can't get out of my head that i should be 31 weeks pregnant now i had an early miscarrige in June and it still hurts now thinking about it im not sure when that will fade.  All of this just became overwhelming and well my dear husband got the tears on Christmas Eve! I have to say that I would be lost without him and am so thankful for his love and support he keeps me sane even when i feel like im losing it! I just hope that this time next year I will have a baby in my arms and all this heartache will be a distant memory. Sorry for the downer post I promise a more positive one next time! This is actually quite theraputic writng this.