One Month

Tomorrow it will one month since we said goodbye to our little Angel.  Time goes so quickly especially when you are constantly wishing you can hit the rewind button and change what happend but you can't.  I am happy to say though that I am healing both physically and emotionally.  Physically AF has been and gone :hula: and WAY earlier than expected. I think this has helped a lot the waiting and wondering when I can get back to normal again doesn't help with trying to move forward, I now have hope again.  My HPTs are FINALLY negative!! I confirmed it this morning by using a FRER it seems such a waste of a FRER when you're hoping it to be negative rather than postive but at least if im lucky enough to see those 2 lines again I will know it's the real deal and not a bit of HCG left over from this pregnancy.  It's hard to see that familiar sight of BFNs but I know I have to so I can move forward.

Emotionally im getting there. There will always a part of me that hurts when I think about my little Angels wondering what might have been and I do have good and bad days but thats ok.  I have spent time with a great friend of mine who is 6 months pregnant and it doesn't hurt to see her bump.  I feel excited to meet her little one the only thing that makes me sad is not having a bump of my own. To start feeling excited again is a good feeling! I also spent some time looking after my friends baby she is 6 months old and so cute! I thought this would be hard and at first it was but soon my heart melted when I saw her little smile and I found taking care of her so uplifting if a laughing baby can't lift your spirits nothing can!  I feel stronger and more like me. I accept the bad days I know they are going to come but there are some days I just need to cry.  Other days I just need to laugh and I am so thankful for my husband, family and friends who are there for both!