Thursday, 31 May 2012

Before I Was A Mom

A friend of mine posted this on her blog and I love it it's all so very true so I just had to share! Thank you Jessica x

"Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.... Thank God He blessed me to be a mom with my wonderful precious child."

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Catching Up

So I figured out how to change my blog name yay! I have a new look too it's a nice change not as exciting as most of the blogs I see but I have no clue how to do that so this will do just fine :)

Anyway I'm going to try my best to catch up a little and maybe try and do monthly updates that's the plan anyway.  I never thought that I would enjoy blogging but even though it's difficult to find the time I enjoy doing it and it's nice to have something to look back on (the good bits anyway) and as for the rest if it can help anyone at all then im happy I think it mostly helps me lol!

Back to catching up! My baby is almost 4 months old 4 MONTHS!! How did that happen? It's strange I can barely imagine life without her it's like she's always been here and yet this has been the fastest 4 months of my life! Grace has grown and changed so much it's crazy.  So much has happened It has been quite an eventful 4 months to say the least.  I have to say that the first 6 weeks of Grace's life are a bit of a blur I was very emotional, shell shocked and exhausted and Grace was extremely unsettled which made it harder.  I hated to admit that I was struggling but I was. I found the sleep deprivation unbareable I totally get why that is a form of toture and my body hurt a lot from lifting and carrying my baby sounds daft my body hurt from lifting a 6lb baby but I guess that's how it is with AMC.  Things began to turn around on Feb 24th yes I remember the date! Grace had been unsettled and having sloppy poops for weeks I ignored this because everyone said that all babies are unsettled for the first few weeks and this crying for hours on end was colic and totally normal and as for the poops she was extremely constipated for the first 2 weeks and on the advice of my midwife I changed her milk to the colic and constipation milk which apparently gives baby sloppy poops so I was to expect that! Despite everyone telling me this I just had this gut feeling things weren't right and I took her to the Dr who agreed with everyone else but me! What can you do when no one listens to you I was just an over anxious mother who isn't right? I guess it couldn't carry on that way without a consequence and on Feb 24th Grace started bleeding into her nappy :( I was horrified and took her straight to A&E.  The bleeding would come with the poops which was like 6 times that night that's a heck of a lot!  I must point out that despite the bloody poops Grace didn't appear unwell.  The Drs did a lot of tests and in the end found that she is actually lactose intolerant apparently this is common!  All I could think was my poor baby i've been giving her milk that has made her sick and I didn't know!  They sent us home with Lactose free milk to try her on and see what happens.  Well withing 24 hours of changing her milk she was like a different baby not unsettled no bloody sloppy poops and genrally a happy healthy baby! This was a real turning point for us and we haven't looked back!  I felt terrible guilt for not getting this dealt with sooner but no one listened to me and I also blamed myself for not breastfeeding I felt like it wouldn't have happened if I had but the Pediatritian assures me that babies can be lactose intolerant no matter what it has nothing to do with breast or bottle.  He also assured me that she will most likely grow out of it and we need to try her on cows milk when we are weaning her to see, im so nervous about this but we are going to see a dietician to talk us through how we go about it so I am thankful for that!  Grace is completely better now it's just like something clicked and from 7 weeks old she has slept through the night! The only issue now is the constipation is back but we are dealing with it by giving her plenty of water with a little apple juice advice from her Dr, it does seem to help a bit.  So one of the biggest lessons i've learnt so far from being a mom is if something just don't seem right go with your gut instinct because you are probably right!

I'm not sure if I mentioned earlier in my blog that Grace was born with Bilateral Talipes this was due to her being in the Breech position for so long this was also the position she was born.  We were a little concerned they may have been fixed and that she may have need surgery but thankfully they were not fixed just positional and with physio and time they are great now!  She also needed a hip scan to make sure she didn't have hip displacement again due to the breech position and with me having AMC it's always best to be cautious but nope again Grace is fine! Music to my ears! She has been through a fair bit in her short little life so far but keeps coming out on top that's my Amazing Grace <3

Grace has come on leaps and bounds it seems like it all happens over night! One minute she's this tiny unresponsive newborn and the next this lively, smiling, laughing, babbling baby! She is so alert and so alive she just amazes me everyday! We have conversations all the time in her baby talk I just love hearing her babbling back at me.  She is so close to rolling now but hasn't quite made it yet.  She is making new sounds everyday I love watching her study me when im talking to her and then watching her trying to form the words and making new sounds.  She holds her head up now and has started sitting in her Bumbo which she loves.  I look forward to each new day seeing what she will do next!  I LOVE being a mommy <3

Friday, 4 May 2012

Moving On...

What I mean by that is I'm thinking on changing my blog name to something else as it's not really a ttc blog anymore not that we wont ttc again but now it's more of a mommy and baby blog that I swear I will find more time to update!! So I'm thinking im going to re name it Baby and Me.  I know not very creative but that's what it is so it works well that's as soon as I figure out how to do it LOL! I don't get to log on all that often and I see it has a new look so I need to figure it all out. Yup im a technophobe if you hadn't noticed!

It feels good to say that im moving on im in such a different place now I really want to focus on my mommy experiences and enjoy every precious moment! Don't get me wrong I cannot and will not forget the journey we went on to get to this point my babies and the pain we went through still rests in my heart. I don't think it will ever not hurt and im ok with that it's a big reminder of just how lucky we are it makes being where im at now so much sweeter because there was a time I thought i'd never be here and it truly is wonderful, hard work in every way you can think of but amazing and I love being a mom more than anything!

So once again i'm going to dash but im going to make more time to do this and update as i've been meaning to do for the last 4 months lol! I'll update as soon as I can as I have SO much to catch up on!