Saturday, 25 June 2011

10 Weeks

Im 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  This is a little milestone for me! I was a day shy of 10 weeks when I miscarried last time so needless to say it has been on my mind a lot this week but im happy to say I have made it beyond that point and it feels good.  As for how im feeling well i'd say very pregnant! I am sick every morning and feel sick all day and all night not fun but I'll take it if it means my baby is growing strong! Im off foods I normally love like beef burgers I have no idea why but the very thought of them makes me want to throw up! Mind you it wont do me any harm to lay off those anyway! I also usually love a cup of tea with sugar in now it just makes me sick I have to take it without the sugar or not at all which again is not a bad thing.  I have noticed that im addicted to orange juice I love it and can't get enough of it ooh and anything cold like tip tops so with my love of orange juice and tip tops im pretty sure this baby is going to arrive looking like a crayola crayon haha. One symptom I haven't noticed is the heightened sense of smell im pretty sure that's still the same. 

There's no real sign of a bump yet but it is still pretty early my mom said she didn't really start showing with me or my brother until 16 weeks so im thinking i'll be the same although it seems crazy to think I could have a little bump in just 6 weeks im so excited about it!

As for the spotting it still comes and goes it does unnerve me a little i'd be much happier if it wasn't there but the Dr did say that it is likely that it may come and go until my hormones settle at around 14 weeks so as long as it doesn't get any worse I just need to accept it as normal for me.  I am doing much better with it now though before I would see it and just freak out but now I expect to see it and if I don't then that's a bonus! I haven't had it for a few days now so that's great I had a busy day yesterday so I told myself to expect it by the evening all the activity was bound to start it off but all I had was 2 spots that's it so im more than happy with that!  It's 2 weeks on Tuesday till my NT scan im so nervous but when we get the all clear from that we can finally tell the world we are having a baby and im so excited for that!

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Born To Be Different

On C4 on Thursday nights is a programme called Born To Be Different.  It's about a group of children all born with different disabilities and has been following them from birth to show how life is for them and all the trials they have overcome the children are now 10.  One of the children a little girl called Zoe has Arthrogryposis you never really see much on TV or anywhere about Arthrogryposis so I was interested to watch.  I have to say all of the children are so inspiring and so strong and seemed to take whatever was thrown at them completely in their stride.  I guess they didn't really have much choice than to be like that but they handled their difficulties so well.  My mom says that Zoe reminded her so much of how I was as a child im not sure if I was like that but I do remember just getting on with things but when you know no different what else can you do?  It was also an eye opener into how it was for my parents.  In a lot of ways I think it was much harder for them than it ever has been for me.  Seeing how scared they must have been, the sacrifices they must have made and the tears that they shed all of which I was blissfully unaware of.  When I was born the Drs said that I would never walk, well I soon proved them wrong! I didn't walk until I was 3 and after a lot of surgery and years of on going physio of which I still do today I did it! But it wasn't just me I owe so much to my parents if they hadn't have been so commited would I have still walked? Maybe, maybe not.  My mom said it would break her heart having to do physiotherapy that would make me scream it just isn't natural to hurt your baby even though you know you have to do it.  I never remember the bad bits though so in my mind it's ok and so worth it! But the strength she must have had to continue to do it knowing it was best for me.  I have so much to thank her for.

This got me thinking how would I be if my child is born with Arthrogryposis or any other disability?  The thought is pretty scary I don't want my child to go through any of the struggles I have had I want them to have the opportunities that I missed out on.  But if it happens it happens in a lot of ways I can relate to them in a way my parents couldn't relate to them and I know from my own personal experience that most situations are overcome just by a little thought and some hard work all of which is worth it! Hopefully I wont have to worry about these things but I know that if I can be just half the Mother my mom is to me with a child with or without a disability then I will be happy.  I am so thankful for my amazing family!!

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

A Little Scare

Ok so that title is a understatment what I meant to say was a BIG scare! On sunday afternoon I started spotting just brown spotting but that is exactly how my miscarriage began last time so needless to say I began freaking out!  Of course I know that a little spotting can be common in early pregnancy and it doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen but everyone said that to me last time and that was not ok it was far from ok so in my mind this was the end.  I decided not to dash off to the hospital on sunday I knew they wouldn't scan me there and then they never do especially not for spotting so I decided to call the early pregnancy unit Monday and try and get an appointment asap.  Thankfully they got me in for Tuesday. By this time my brown spotting had turned to bright red blood it was like having a light period so I was distraught and sure that it was over!  Richard as ever was trying to to be positive but I tried to warn him to not get his hopes up I know what that crash down to earth feels like when it's bad news so I wanted to be ready.  I was so scared when we went to the scan and this time was different to the last they had the screen turned away from me so I couldn't see and the sonographer said she would tell me what she could see after she had a good look. I figured  that they must be expecting bad news too.  Due to my retroverted uterus they still couldn't find baby via a transabdominal scan so they had to do another internal scan I expected that so it was fine.  After what seemed like forever the sonographer turned the screen towards me and said "there's your baby it has a strong heartbeat and everything looks fine!"  I couldn't believe it I even asked if she was sure!! She pointed everything out to us it was amazing.  I can't believe how much baby has grown in just 2 weeks.  I cried from pure relief and shock! The sonographer laughed and said "oh im sure your going to have this one for the next 21 years!" I replied Oh I hope so!  In my emotional state I forgot to ask for a picture! But the image is clear in my mind sadly I can't show you guys :( baby is measuring right on target and I will be 9 weeks tomorrow!!

After the scan we went to see the Dr.  She explained that the bleed is a hormonal thing that should settle down by 14 weeks and to try not to worry if I get it now and again. However if it becomes heavy with clots and pain to go straight to the hospital.  Will I worry if it happens again? Errmm YES!! But that's only natural I just have to try and accept it.  Fingers crossed the spotting appears to have stopped now and I really hope that is the last of it I can't cope with the stress!! But im one week closer to that 12 week milestone and I hope I can make it!!

Sunday, 12 June 2011

8 Weeks and hellloooo hormones!

Im 8 weeks 3 days today and lets just say the hormones are really kicking in! I have felt pretty sick on and off for about 2 weeks now but last night and today were the worst! I actually threw up for the first time this pregnancy this morning (sorry TMI) and the way im feeling there's a whole lot more to come! I have to admit it's not nice it's never nice to feel lousy even if the reason for it is so good! BUT im not complaining at all these are the symptoms I begged for in my last pregnancy just to have peace of mind and well we all know how that turned out so every ounce of crap im feeling im also so very thankful for. Hopefully this means my baby is growing strong and i'll take whatever pregnancy has to throw at me for that!  I've also had a few days this week were I just have to cry! Now im not a crier not really obviously I have my moments and this past year has seen more than a few of those but seriously im crying and I have no idea why this is just so funny to me that im even laughing whislt im crying because it's so crazy! So I guess those preggo hormones are really kicking in now and im loving it!!

Monday, 6 June 2011

There really is a baby in there!

Here is my little baby bean!

I never get bored at looking at this picture.  I can't believe that this tiny baby is in my belly <3

So as you can see my first scan went great! I was so nervous when we got there I felt sick and was shaking i'd gotten so worked up for it I convinced myself it as going to be bad news.  Unlike last time I had arrived at the hospital early but got called straight in for the scan so I didn't have the agonising wait.  I was like a lamb to the slaughter walking into that room, not how you imagine your first scan to be but when you have walked the road ive walked you can't help but feel like that.  The sonographer began by doing a transabdominal scan this time I could actually see the screen and as I could see it I couldn't help but frantically search the screen for baby but all there was were blurry black and white images I knew from that she wasn't going to see anything it was just taking too long.  She then stopped and said she couldn't see anything as my bladder wasn't full enough and it is early into my pregnancy so she would need to do an internal scan instead.  When she said that part of me panicked and knew that this was going to be the start of my bad news the other part of me was pleased that she was going to do the internal scan so at least if the outcome were the same as last time I would know they had a good look and were sure!  She reassured me that we would get a clear picture of what was going on this way so that helped.  As soon as she began the scan we could see baby! She pointed everything out we could see the little arm and leg buds and best of all that beautiful heartbeat! Sadly the picture isn't very clear but we could see everthing on the scan! I felt a rush of relief wash over me and then burst into tears happy tears im glad to say!!  It was just amazing I could have watched it all day.  Before I knew it the scan was over and I finally got to be one of those happy girls with my scan photo just like the ones i'd envied before.

After the scan we had to wait again to then see the nurse who will then explain the scan in more detail and what we need to do next.  It was the same Nurse that delt with me and the miscarriage before I was pleased I really liked her.  I didn't think she would remember me but she did! Straight away she said I've seen you before haven't I and I said yes I miscarried back in February but im back with another pregnancy! She was so happy and excited for us she said that everything looked great and that baby was measuring at 6 weeks 6 days.  That is only 2 days off my own dates that I had roughly worked out I knew that my midwife was off by afew more days.  She said not to worry about it being off by a couple of days as no one can pin point the exact moment of ovulation or the exact moment of conception and the baby is so small at this point it's hard to get an exact measurement the 12 week scan will be more accurate.  Im totally happy with that! She was so nice she said to keep in touch and when the baby is born she will come over to maternity to see baby.  I doubt that she will actually do that but it was so nice of her to say. 

Today I got my appointment for my NT Scan at 12 weeks it's on July 12th.  I didn't expect it come through so quick but im glad it did! I will almost be 13 weeks then so we should see a lot more.  Obviously im nervous about it as happy as I am to know that so far everything is good the worry wort in me can't help but creep back in! Hopefully all will be fine and maybe then I can start to enjoy this pregnancy!